"When a culture simply shrugs about what happens to people in war, it breaks the fragile sequence, the bond between all people." Michael Meade

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Brandon called on sunday. it is a sweet joy to hear his voice even if it is brief.

He tells me they are in preparations of arriving marines, sanding down all the filth written on the bathroom walls, cleaning up garbage, wearing their full gear (in 120 degree weather...)

He doesn't really want to talk much about what's going on out there.

I don't blame him.

Although my life feels like it's been on pause for 7 months, time has been like a paper cut. I'm not sure where all the time is coming or if it's gone yet. I'm not sure where the pain is coming from, and I can't see it, but it's there.

Brandon has asked me not to come to california. At first this really offended me until I realized that the poor guy hasn't really been alone in 7 months. By the time he gets home it will have been almost 9 months.

Meanwhile, I've had this time to myself, for my mind (almost too much time there...) to process how I feel, what has happened, what has changed and what I have yet to change.

I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude and motivation for the life that begins when he gets home, nothing has even really happened to me.

While what he has experienced is another story.
And, it's HIS story.
So I'll let him tell it.

And even though it hurts to think he might get two full days (in california in my parent's guest house) off, I know in the end it will save us both a ton of anxiety ( i wouldn't know EXACTLY when those two days were until right before they happened like the day of, so i'd have to get work off, and buy tickets, and get my bum down there- and then i'd have to say goodbye again.)

if I would give him some time to just be alone.
I'm going to try really hard to do that.


He says he hasn't written since Carlos died.

So maybe he will write again.

ooh rah.
j

Lately I don't have the words

It's the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of press. It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It's the Veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin ...is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag." -Van T. Barfoot"

" Heard about all them folks protesting,
as if I really want this war.
But that don't stop me from believing
there's just somethings worth fighting for.
And if I die before you wake
I pray the world will take
a good look at what God's given us
if we could only understand
everything is in his hand
all we need's a little faith and trust.

I want you to know,

it ain't too high a price to pay
if I die before you wake."

Homeward bound

I found out yesterday that the Advanced Party replacements have arrived in Helmand province afghanistan which means Brandon is coming home soon. I'm posting this video I found from a friend on facebook who's son is a marine with Brandon's company. It touched me deeply. The photographs and especially the song- which was song by the Mormon Tabernacle choir called Homeward Bound. Here are the lyrics:

In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing
And the sky is clear and red.
When the summer's ceased its gleaming
When the corn is past its prime,

When adventure's lost its meaning -
I'll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture.
Chain me not to the plow
Set me free to find my calling
And I'll return to you somehow

If you find it's me you're missing
If you're hoping I'll return,
To your thoughts I'll soon be listening,
In the road I'll stop and turn
Then the wind will set me racing

As my journey nears its end
And the path I'll be retracing
When I'm homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture
Chain me not to the plow
Set me free to find my calling
And I'll return to you somehow

Bind me not to the pasture
Chain me not to the plow
Set me free to find my calling
And I'll return to you somehow

THE BANNERS, THEY'RE HERE!

The red one is my favorite. it says WELCOME HOME SWEETCHEEKS!

in war stories

BRANDON FINALLY CALLED! wayhhoooo! These things have happened

1. they got steaks and he ate his too pink and got sick
2. pam and jim are married (they've been watching the office and this was really happy to him)
3. he found a five pound bag of gummie bears and they were gone really really really fast
4. RIP benjamin franklin the lamb (he was killed in crossing fire, a soccer ball hit him and he died...)
5. dan caught a FIVE FOOT LIZARD and they are keeping it somewhere... I don't want to know
6. Camel spiders (if you want to know what they are look them up... you will wish you hadn't) are EVERYWHERE right now, and they numb your flesh before they start to eat you! EUGH~! Brandon said he was on post one night outside the higher up's tent and it was like eleven oh clock when he started hearing SCREAMS like little girls, when he went into the tent they were all up on their beds yelling and screeching because there was a camel spider.
7. they went into a town yesterday looking for a weapons cache brandon walked about with the metal detector and couldnt find anything so he started sweeping people (they didn't find that nearly as funny as he did.) and then he found a really cool knife buried.
8. we are NOT going to disneyland with the people i nanny for and he is really really happy about that, and i am too.
9. their puppy nixon wont eat MRE's and just stares at them sadly.
10. I absolutely cannot wait to see this man, and I love him so much.
11. Brandon wants to do an olympic triathalon when he gets home
12. Brandon wants to go to school when he gets home
13. I told Brandon about the Apron I made with mom yesterday and he was absolutely speechless. And then he blubbered like a fish.

That's all for now, the phone kept dying on me... but HE IS COMING HOME SOON so hold onto your socks!

updates!

okay, I am trying to be much much more savvy than i actually am. so this blog is going to be... changing a lot.

lovelovelove.
j

One year

I can't believe that one year ago next week, you drove the first of many five hours to take me on a date in Rexburg Idaho.

Love Vigilantes

I heard this song today on the way home, I crawled into my house and cried for four hours.





Some days I just wish I was as brave as Brandon and all the men out there with him.

For now, I'm curling up on our bed that isn't ours yet, holding onto a stuffed elephant for dear life and letting it all out.