Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Brandon called on sunday. it is a sweet joy to hear his voice even if it is brief.

He tells me they are in preparations of arriving marines, sanding down all the filth written on the bathroom walls, cleaning up garbage, wearing their full gear (in 120 degree weather...)

He doesn't really want to talk much about what's going on out there.

I don't blame him.

Although my life feels like it's been on pause for 7 months, time has been like a paper cut. I'm not sure where all the time is coming or if it's gone yet. I'm not sure where the pain is coming from, and I can't see it, but it's there.

Brandon has asked me not to come to california. At first this really offended me until I realized that the poor guy hasn't really been alone in 7 months. By the time he gets home it will have been almost 9 months.

Meanwhile, I've had this time to myself, for my mind (almost too much time there...) to process how I feel, what has happened, what has changed and what I have yet to change.

I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude and motivation for the life that begins when he gets home, nothing has even really happened to me.

While what he has experienced is another story.
And, it's HIS story.
So I'll let him tell it.

And even though it hurts to think he might get two full days (in california in my parent's guest house) off, I know in the end it will save us both a ton of anxiety ( i wouldn't know EXACTLY when those two days were until right before they happened like the day of, so i'd have to get work off, and buy tickets, and get my bum down there- and then i'd have to say goodbye again.)

if I would give him some time to just be alone.
I'm going to try really hard to do that.

He says he hasn't written since Carlos died.

So maybe he will write again.

ooh rah.


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